In a move that baffled industry analysts, Chris Richards, the new CEO of the amalgamated company of obscure retail brands announced the merger early Tuesday. Richards explained, “The coming together of these 3 fine brands of apparel was a natural step forward, and quite frankly, necessary in order to gain market share from our top competitors: Northern Reflections, Randy River and Mondetta.”
When reached for comment a top retail analyst at Morgan Stanley replied, “Vuarnet? They’re still around? Good for them.”
Richards maintained that there will be no major changes to the product lines. “We will continue to focus on making what we know best: Neon long-sleeve logo t-shirts, sweatshirts with plastic etching and jeans with elastic waistbands.”
However, towards the end of the press conference the CEO accidentally revealed a new secret product aimed at high-end, more sophisticated customers: A men’s business suit that changes colour with your body temperature.
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