In a move that baffled industry analysts, Chris Richards, the new CEO of the amalgamated company of obscure retail brands announced the merger early Tuesday. Richards explained, “The coming together of these 3 fine brands of apparel was a natural step forward, and quite frankly, necessary in order to gain market share from our top competitors: Northern Reflections, Randy River and Mondetta.”
When reached for comment a top retail analyst at Morgan Stanley replied, “Vuarnet? They’re still around? Good for them.”
Richards maintained that there will be no major changes to the product lines. “We will continue to focus on making what we know best: Neon long-sleeve logo t-shirts, sweatshirts with plastic etching and jeans with elastic waistbands.”
However, towards the end of the press conference the CEO accidentally revealed a new secret product aimed at high-end, more sophisticated customers: A men’s business suit that changes colour with your body temperature.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Jesus is Why You Need Care About the Global Commodity Crisis
The following is a transcript of remarks delivered by Lawrence M. Peabody, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus at Bowling Green University before the Economic Club of Toronto on April 27th 2008.
We’re living with a global commodity shortage. I may as well get right to the point. Economic and ecological shocks have had a direct impact on the ability of world producers to meet global demand. You can hardly turn on the television or read the newspaper these days without coming across dire news about the soaring price of rice, wheat or corn. Not to mention oil hitting $120/barrel.
You may be asking yourself, “How does this affect me? Why should I care?” I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t affect you. You don’t have to care about the price of rice (unless you're Asian). But, what the media isn’t telling you is that the shortage has already spread to more keystone elements of our economy such as gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Nobody may give a second thought to corn rationing in Sri Lanka, as well they shouldn’t. Let the market do its work: Supply-side economics, Adam Smith’s invisible hand, Animals spirits etc. You get the idea. But people (white people) will stand up and take notice when this crisis hits home. Just look at this pie chart. Or is it a bar graph? Either way, look at this thing I’m showing on the projector up here.
I won’t sugar coat it. The looming scarcity of frankincense will have untold consequences on the ability of man to bear gifts to lords and saviours worldwide. It’s simple. As supply shrinks and the curve shifts to the left, the market responds with rising prices to reach a new equilibrium where less of the good is supplied, but at a greater cost to consumers. This market clearing scenario then has a direct effect on the marginal benefit curve of Jesus Christ. Are you following me?
So world food prices are soaring, unleashing massive hardship on millions of the world’s poorest inhabitants. But, hasn’t anyone ever heard of a kinked demand curve? -- What was that comment in the back there? -- I’ll remind you that I have the floor, sir. Now, we’re probably both right. Lets not get bogged down on what's relevant to what. I’m sure it fits into my explanation some how. The point is I’m moving on.
There’s been a lot of chatter in the financial press about Federal Reserve policy and its ability to manage the recent market turmoil by loosening the money supply to provide added liquidity to the market. Well, guess what? When stocks of Commiphora myrrha start drying up, Ben Bernanke isn’t going to help you procure the increasingly hard-to-find resin and trudge through the desert by your side so that God’s Son can “receive the myrrh.” The Federal Reserve System should have been abolished decades ago.
I hope I’m not getting too technical here. As I told the organizers of this talk, I’m willing to stick around for a Q&A session afterwards to clear up any of the key points as long as they keep my glass here full of absinthe.
Now, I’m not trying to scare you or incite panic, but it’s a science. In macroeconomics we call it the “wealth effect.” As price-levels of inelastic goods rise, individuals’ real wealth decreases. This leads to curves shifting, deadweight loss and the like. The important thing to take away from this lecture is that you may not get into Heaven. That, and Mexicans are stealing your jobs.
Any questions?
We’re living with a global commodity shortage. I may as well get right to the point. Economic and ecological shocks have had a direct impact on the ability of world producers to meet global demand. You can hardly turn on the television or read the newspaper these days without coming across dire news about the soaring price of rice, wheat or corn. Not to mention oil hitting $120/barrel.
You may be asking yourself, “How does this affect me? Why should I care?” I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t affect you. You don’t have to care about the price of rice (unless you're Asian). But, what the media isn’t telling you is that the shortage has already spread to more keystone elements of our economy such as gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Nobody may give a second thought to corn rationing in Sri Lanka, as well they shouldn’t. Let the market do its work: Supply-side economics, Adam Smith’s invisible hand, Animals spirits etc. You get the idea. But people (white people) will stand up and take notice when this crisis hits home. Just look at this pie chart. Or is it a bar graph? Either way, look at this thing I’m showing on the projector up here.
I won’t sugar coat it. The looming scarcity of frankincense will have untold consequences on the ability of man to bear gifts to lords and saviours worldwide. It’s simple. As supply shrinks and the curve shifts to the left, the market responds with rising prices to reach a new equilibrium where less of the good is supplied, but at a greater cost to consumers. This market clearing scenario then has a direct effect on the marginal benefit curve of Jesus Christ. Are you following me?
So world food prices are soaring, unleashing massive hardship on millions of the world’s poorest inhabitants. But, hasn’t anyone ever heard of a kinked demand curve? -- What was that comment in the back there? -- I’ll remind you that I have the floor, sir. Now, we’re probably both right. Lets not get bogged down on what's relevant to what. I’m sure it fits into my explanation some how. The point is I’m moving on.
There’s been a lot of chatter in the financial press about Federal Reserve policy and its ability to manage the recent market turmoil by loosening the money supply to provide added liquidity to the market. Well, guess what? When stocks of Commiphora myrrha start drying up, Ben Bernanke isn’t going to help you procure the increasingly hard-to-find resin and trudge through the desert by your side so that God’s Son can “receive the myrrh.” The Federal Reserve System should have been abolished decades ago.
I hope I’m not getting too technical here. As I told the organizers of this talk, I’m willing to stick around for a Q&A session afterwards to clear up any of the key points as long as they keep my glass here full of absinthe.
Now, I’m not trying to scare you or incite panic, but it’s a science. In macroeconomics we call it the “wealth effect.” As price-levels of inelastic goods rise, individuals’ real wealth decreases. This leads to curves shifting, deadweight loss and the like. The important thing to take away from this lecture is that you may not get into Heaven. That, and Mexicans are stealing your jobs.
Any questions?
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